onionbagblog
 
Landlords and Tenants
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onionbag blogger
Tuesday 20 November, 2007



A Back to Basics morning, heading back to onionbagblog HQ I. But it's no longer the sources of all things obb - I left Sunny Stockwell behind eighteen months ago and headed out to the glamour world of, um, The Oval, dahhhling. It's now base for my lovely tenants (and it's at this juncture that I feel I need to point out that I'm the caring / sharing sort of capitalist. I charge a happy happy joy joy rent, and in return I get happy happy joy joy tenants who give me no hassle. Phew - I'm pleased we've cleared that one up.)

But it's not all happy happy joy joy in the rest of the building. Property ownership never is. It's you and me against the world, kid, with the world being the other three flats who own our freehold. With sixty-six years left on the lease, my Legal Man tells me now is the time to buy into the freehold. I've not a fan of the funny wig wearers and fail to see how in sixty-six years time when I am squatting in the great re-possessed property up in the sky, a lapsed lease will be of any interest to me.

But my Legal Man laid down the law and told me to sort it.

And so a miserable Tuesday morning was spent showing A Man With A Clipboard around obb HQ I - ten minutes to justify a three figure fee and confirmation that all property (and property related sidelines) is theft. Which by default, also includes me. Yikes.

'Um, so how does this work then?' I enquired.

'I draw up a nice fancy report spelling out the delights of Sunny Stockwell, and then my final paragraph quotes a minimum and maximum figure for the freehold.'

And so a three figure fee and I don't even get the exact science of what the fucker is worth. It's like buying a Premiership player - it's all relative and the value of your commodity is only worth what you're actually prepared to pay for it. I felt like diving in, Robbie Savage style, and lamping the other freeholders in the flats down below.

But aside from all the bluff and counter-bluff, my first return to obb HQ I in a year and a half was actually rather enjoyable. I've very happy memories of living there and little had changed. I bought the best French stick on sale in South London from Di Lietos, a tax bill awaited me on the doormat and Vest Man managed to get in my way as I left the flat.

But best of all was seeing that the tradition of obb HQ I is still being continued. My Lovely Tennant #1 was sitting at the very same desk where this blog was born some four years ago, in front of his iMac, editing pictures in Photoshop.

'And so this freehold business,' I said to The Man With A Clipboard just before Vest Mad made his untimely entrance. 'If there's no exact science, can't you put in a quote based on the artistic value of the property?' I enquired?

'Art over science any day and in years to come, a blue plaque will be above obb HQ I in recognition of some of the finest Photoshopping to have taken place in Sunny Stockwell.'

Just like the quality of blog posts, your property value may go up or down.



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