onionbagblog
Bowl-ing Ally
Coldplay played Crystal Palace a few weeks ago. For forking out forty quid you got to hear a whingeing bedwetter bang on about his boring wannabee Bono wankfest. I paid bugger all for The Bowl festival held at Crystal Palace Park on Sunday. I had my own patch of grass to picnic on, a perfect view of the stage and no rock cock patronising me about world poverty from behind the comfort of his multi-million pound Swiss bank account.
Keep on rocking in the Free World, I say.
The Bowl Festival is now in its seventh year. It's grown to become an annual fixture in the South London Summer Season, organised by Sounds of the Suburbs, a non profit making organisation with the aim of promoting unsigned South London artists.
I managed to blag a backstage pass which allowed me to play out my 'proper' photographer fantasies. Pointing your camera in the face of a LOCAL musician making the most of his chance on the big stage for free is more enjoyable than pointing your camera at Chris Martin and his 'sloganeering to sell albums' stance.
I resisted the temptation to take hold of the mic, put on a pair of wraparound shades and shout out 'HELLO CRYSTAL PALACE!' as I punched the air. It wasn't really that kind of event.
A young spiky pop beat combo called The Rays were on stage when I arrived. It was pleasant, if a little repetitive. I couldn't decipher if the chorus consisted of 'Die!' or 'Dave!' Seeing as though EVERY male in South London is called Dave, I decided on the latter.
No such confusion for the next song:
'This one's called Golf Course.'
Dave - die on the golf course, anyone?
There were similar depressive overtones from the local pasty Goths who had positioned themselves under a tree to stay out of the sun. What is it with these kids? Do their jet black Marilyn Manson T-shirts all of a sudden transform themselves to become pretty Laura Ashley style paisley prints at the first sight of the South London sun?
It was a shame because if they had soaked up the SE19 sun then they would have seen FREE storytelling (heard the one about the Crippled Pal-arse 'Premiership' football club?), FREE meditation and FREE sex, drugs and rock 'n roll. If they had a backstage pass that is.
Later in the afternoon and possibly for the first time, the popular garden entertainment game of swing ball made an appearance at a rock concert. It was an instant (and FREE) classic and only added to the atmosphere.
My only outlay for the afternoon was 50p for a festival programme. 50p buys you a single sheet of toilet paper at a Coldplay gig. And no, that's not a metaphor for the Coldplay concert programme.
Crap Picture Gallery (click on thumbs to see large image)
| Monday 1 August, 2005 |
Coldplay played Crystal Palace a few weeks ago. For forking out forty quid you got to hear a whingeing bedwetter bang on about his boring wannabee Bono wankfest. I paid bugger all for The Bowl festival held at Crystal Palace Park on Sunday. I had my own patch of grass to picnic on, a perfect view of the stage and no rock cock patronising me about world poverty from behind the comfort of his multi-million pound Swiss bank account.
Keep on rocking in the Free World, I say.
 Hello Crystal Palace! |
I managed to blag a backstage pass which allowed me to play out my 'proper' photographer fantasies. Pointing your camera in the face of a LOCAL musician making the most of his chance on the big stage for free is more enjoyable than pointing your camera at Chris Martin and his 'sloganeering to sell albums' stance.
I resisted the temptation to take hold of the mic, put on a pair of wraparound shades and shout out 'HELLO CRYSTAL PALACE!' as I punched the air. It wasn't really that kind of event.
A young spiky pop beat combo called The Rays were on stage when I arrived. It was pleasant, if a little repetitive. I couldn't decipher if the chorus consisted of 'Die!' or 'Dave!' Seeing as though EVERY male in South London is called Dave, I decided on the latter.
No such confusion for the next song:
'This one's called Golf Course.'
Dave - die on the golf course, anyone?
There were similar depressive overtones from the local pasty Goths who had positioned themselves under a tree to stay out of the sun. What is it with these kids? Do their jet black Marilyn Manson T-shirts all of a sudden transform themselves to become pretty Laura Ashley style paisley prints at the first sight of the South London sun?
It was a shame because if they had soaked up the SE19 sun then they would have seen FREE storytelling (heard the one about the Crippled Pal-arse 'Premiership' football club?), FREE meditation and FREE sex, drugs and rock 'n roll. If they had a backstage pass that is.
Later in the afternoon and possibly for the first time, the popular garden entertainment game of swing ball made an appearance at a rock concert. It was an instant (and FREE) classic and only added to the atmosphere.
My only outlay for the afternoon was 50p for a festival programme. 50p buys you a single sheet of toilet paper at a Coldplay gig. And no, that's not a metaphor for the Coldplay concert programme.
Crap Picture Gallery (click on thumbs to see large image)
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Crap Match Report
Dulwich Hamlet 4 Fisher Athletic 4, 31/07/05
'Landlords and Tenants' was the crappest song on the crappest disc of the crap double album for the even crapper film Absolute Beginners back in 1986. This pre-season friendly paired up the Landlords and Tenants of Champion Hill. And it was far from crap. I rather enjoyed it actually, although football in July is about as relevant as making a reference to a best forgotten mid '80s mess up of a movie in a match report being read by people who associate 'jazz' with magazines rather than music.
Identity problems are always an issue down at Dulwich pre-season. Not of the soul searching personal identity dilemma such as 'what the fuck am I doing here?' (although that is often a relevant question to ask), but more to do with the identity of the players on the pitch.
'Who's the pie eater in midfield? The new trialist out on the wing looks about 14 and has anybody seen Badge Man?'
The esteemed Dulwich match day programme is normally the source of all knowledge, and not just for football matters either. I carry a copy in my back pocket at all times to refer to whenever I fear I am losing my self identity. But with so many squad rotations, multiple substitutions and changes of team name at half time, the programme simply couldn't keep up.
The ever reliable Voice of Champion Hill WASN'T having an off day, but after the 89th substitution for the home team, I had already felled the nearby Dulwich Woods and pulped the paper for extra writing material. Wots-his-name came on for Wots-his-face (Thingy-ma-jig's cousin) changing the 442 back to 532. Or was that the half time score?
Actually it 3-0 to the home team after a brace from Richard Brady was topped with the perfect hat trick, volleying the ball into the back of the net.
I was disappointed not to see the return of the FREE BBQ during the break (the only reason I turned up to be honest) as was the case in the same fixture last season. But our friends from Fisher are no longer on the charm offensive. They like our ground so much that they want to buy our club.
When the game re-started it was soon clear that finding a cure for Tourette's Syndrome hasn't been a priority at Dulwich during the summer. And thank fuck for that.
Fisher pulled a goal back after the break but being a pre-season friendly, who really gives a blind goat's bollocks? Kenny Beaney (Man) responded by adding a fourth for Dulwich. The fresh legs of 39-year old Lee Akers came on late in the game and immediately Dulwich gave another goal away. No worries Lee - you've got time on your side.
A third from Fisher came while I was inspecting the toilets under the stand (still not cleaned since Aker made his debut), but I didn't really mind. Equalising with a fourth just seconds before the final whistle wasn't really in the spirit of pre-season friendly though. Dulwich should double the ground rent, backdated as well.
30th July is celebrated each year down in SE22 as VD Day. Nothing to do with the sexual habits of the local Yoof, but VICTORY in DULWICH Day. Sixteen years ago the club was granted planning permission to build the 'new' Champion Hill Stadium after much interference from the one man local ego machine John Beasley (Me! ME! ME!!!!). A high scoring draw with our tenants on VD Day went down well. So what if they are about to become our landlords?
On the evidence of this display, Crap Match Reports are about to get a whole let loss crapper.
Crap Picture Gallery (click on thumbs to see large image)
| Sunday 31 July, 2005 |
Dulwich Hamlet 4 Fisher Athletic 4, 31/07/05
'Landlords and Tenants' was the crappest song on the crappest disc of the crap double album for the even crapper film Absolute Beginners back in 1986. This pre-season friendly paired up the Landlords and Tenants of Champion Hill. And it was far from crap. I rather enjoyed it actually, although football in July is about as relevant as making a reference to a best forgotten mid '80s mess up of a movie in a match report being read by people who associate 'jazz' with magazines rather than music.Identity problems are always an issue down at Dulwich pre-season. Not of the soul searching personal identity dilemma such as 'what the fuck am I doing here?' (although that is often a relevant question to ask), but more to do with the identity of the players on the pitch.
Has anyone seen Badge Man? |
The esteemed Dulwich match day programme is normally the source of all knowledge, and not just for football matters either. I carry a copy in my back pocket at all times to refer to whenever I fear I am losing my self identity. But with so many squad rotations, multiple substitutions and changes of team name at half time, the programme simply couldn't keep up.
The ever reliable Voice of Champion Hill WASN'T having an off day, but after the 89th substitution for the home team, I had already felled the nearby Dulwich Woods and pulped the paper for extra writing material. Wots-his-name came on for Wots-his-face (Thingy-ma-jig's cousin) changing the 442 back to 532. Or was that the half time score?
Actually it 3-0 to the home team after a brace from Richard Brady was topped with the perfect hat trick, volleying the ball into the back of the net.
I was disappointed not to see the return of the FREE BBQ during the break (the only reason I turned up to be honest) as was the case in the same fixture last season. But our friends from Fisher are no longer on the charm offensive. They like our ground so much that they want to buy our club.
When the game re-started it was soon clear that finding a cure for Tourette's Syndrome hasn't been a priority at Dulwich during the summer. And thank fuck for that.
Fisher pulled a goal back after the break but being a pre-season friendly, who really gives a blind goat's bollocks? Kenny Beaney (Man) responded by adding a fourth for Dulwich. The fresh legs of 39-year old Lee Akers came on late in the game and immediately Dulwich gave another goal away. No worries Lee - you've got time on your side.
A third from Fisher came while I was inspecting the toilets under the stand (still not cleaned since Aker made his debut), but I didn't really mind. Equalising with a fourth just seconds before the final whistle wasn't really in the spirit of pre-season friendly though. Dulwich should double the ground rent, backdated as well.
30th July is celebrated each year down in SE22 as VD Day. Nothing to do with the sexual habits of the local Yoof, but VICTORY in DULWICH Day. Sixteen years ago the club was granted planning permission to build the 'new' Champion Hill Stadium after much interference from the one man local ego machine John Beasley (Me! ME! ME!!!!). A high scoring draw with our tenants on VD Day went down well. So what if they are about to become our landlords?
On the evidence of this display, Crap Match Reports are about to get a whole let loss crapper.
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Crap Picture Gallery (click on thumbs to see large image)
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